Loved ones

At the Heart of It Sometimes sharing about our grief with others can end up feeling like a competition—who has had the “worst” experience, or who will “win” by giving the “right” answers about how to grieve? This is common and can happen in a variety of ways, and it’s often unintentional. The way to…

Whose grief is worse: the doctor who loses her patient, or the family who loses their beloved dog?  Which situation is harder: a long, debilitating illness, or a sudden accident?  What community suffers more: the neighborhood devastated by a hurricane, or the town shocked by a mass shooting?  I hear comparisons like these all the…

“You were so lucky to have her for so long.”  Martha was 75 years old when her mother, Rose, died. Rose had just turned 101. Martha’s friends comforted her by saying how lucky Rose was to live so long, and how lucky Martha was to have that time with her. But Martha did not feel…

In the early days of my working life, one of my colleagues returned from bereavement leave. Her husband had just passed away, and it was her first day back at work. I froze when I saw her walking down the hallway. I wanted her to know I was there for her, but I was so…

It’s difficult to be there for the people we love when they’re grieving. Nobody wants to say the wrong thing. When we don’t know what to do, many of us decide to do nothing at all. We think it’s better to avoid it entirely than to make a mistake. That is a major myth about…